No More Voices

There was a time in my life when I heard voices inside my head. I knew even then that they were part of my defense mechanism which tried to subside the depression and the loneliness I used to feel. At night, I couldn’t go to sleep because of those voices. I remember engulfing my head with a pillow that was a pathetic attempt to drown them out.

I forgot who said it, but I do believe someone famous said that we all are neurotic and/or psychotic to a certain level.

I’m not one of those people. You could say that my condition was already extreme for romanticization.

I guess it all started when I entered high school. Back then I was made to go to a school which was supposedly for the gifted. Unfortunately, my talents were not as broad as the school required from a student. Those were four hellish years in my life. I was no good at math and science which were the primary focus of that school’s curriculum. I guess the pressure really got to me. We studied masteral level math which made no sense to me. We stayed up late at night for our scientific experiments. And the time left was for the other minor subjects.

In between all of that, I started hearing voices which sometimes comforted me and sometimes made me do ‘bad things’.

Next came college. College was a total relief to me considering that I got more freedom, and I was unshackled by the impossible expectations of high school. However, my perceived freedom was short lived as I quickly realized the prison I was in again. The skills required with my new chosen path in life (which was nursing) was not available to me, and that placed me on the brink of total insanity as days went by wherein I felt totally helpless and hopeless.

I thank God for that powerful push He gave me to risk everything that I had back at home and to go here in Manila. Going here is the best therapy that I could ever have received.

Today, I hear voices no more.

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