A very Humbling experience and a lot of realizations

The past few months had been a major triumph for me. I experienced so many successes and virtually no failures. First I was able to make the Pinoy Penster Community a bustling and important website. From that experience, I realized that I have a knack for marketing. The people on that website are also all praises for me. Then I also got to work up AdSense, and now it's giving me a constant income of around one to two dollars per day (which is almost impossible). Needless to say, I felt almost infallible. I felt like I am so much ready to be on my own. I also by the way already saved up fifteen thousand pesos (which is in the bank).

Last Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, I had an earth-shattering and sanity-destroying experience. Yes, I felt almost like my sanity was slowly creeping out of me. I totally regressed. I cried in front of people and didn't talk for days (which was me so many years ago). The experience was in the operating room. I guess I am not that strong as to be able to handle outright criticisms about things which are in all actuality just practical things.

Let me just say that the whole experience was unprecedented. I never expected that it would happen.

I guess God has been trying to talk to me this past few days. I have totally neglected him. I have learned to rely on myself and not on his laws. I have become a Godless person.

The experience has taught me that I am powerless without God. Last Wednesday, I left my cell phone in the dressing room of the operating room. I totally felt down when that happened. I said to myself this couldn't go on. And then God gave me the courage to talk to my mom. I told my mom how I felt, and she told me that all she asks of me is to finish the current semester and then I could work as I have always been wanting to. That experience made me feel that my mom loves me. You see, for some years we never talked. I never tell her what is happening to me. That experience made me feel as if she was my mom again. And then on Thursday I again left some of my stuff in the dressing room. This time I said to myself that if I'm not able to find those things, I will walk out and will not go back. I was able to find my stuff.

God has been with me in my most trying times. I guess you can say that God is preparing me for a much bigger battle. I know, yes I know. There is going to be a much bigger battle. One wherein I would need all the experiences to be a strong person.

What happened to me was a miracle. It was a miracle indeed. My best friend made me realize that yesterday. How marvelous is God's love for us? And how hard headed we humans are. We all tend to forget about Him when we are having a blast with our life.

This article was written months ago. However, I always had second thoughts about publishing it because of it's very personal nature. However today I felt ready to let other people know about this incident in my life which triggered me to quit Nursing. So many people have told me that I should just finish the course since I only have a semester to go. However, my heart says that I should quit. My mind is saying that if I'll have an experience like that again, it would literally put me to a psychiatric ward. My brother told me that I should just finish this course and then I could go to Manila to work. However, going to Manila to work is such an overwhelming act. The energy to do something completely radical does not come very often to me. If I'll finish this course, I would probably take the board exam and then work as a nurse. I realized that this past few days. I have walked a straight line all my life and turning right or left would be unthinkable for me. As I have said, the energy to do something completely radical does not come often. If I'm going to turn left or right at some point in my life, it has to be now or never. 

This is probably my last post in the topic Nursing Woes and Wows. Thanks to everyone who commented!

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